Stop Bullying Now. Take A Stand. Lend A Hand.

Q&A with Mr. Bittner and Señorita Ortega: Questions From Boys About Bullying

Question #1: Jamal (7th grader) — Letter to Mr. Bittner

During the summer, I play league baseball. I'm not a great player but I like hanging out at the ball field. This year I have to play with younger kids since I didn't do well enough in try-outs. That ruined everything. It started after the first practice, I tried to meet up with guys my age that I played with last year but they called me a punk and now they ignore me. I hate going to practice and want to quit the team. My parents don't understand. They make it worse by telling me to "stick with it and you'll make new friends."

Reply from Mr. Bittner:

Dear Jamal: Yours is a difficult problem to handle alone. These boys are excluding and mistreating you, which is bullying behavior. There's little supervision at the park and a lot of boys come out for the games. Telling your coach may help prevent bullying from happening during practice and the games. But you may want to avoid the park at other times unless you go with a friend or two—remember there's safety in numbers.

Also, this may be a perfect chance for you to practice your leadership skills. You are one of the older guys on your team, and some of the younger players will look up to you.

Question #2: Charlie (11th grader)

–Letter to Señorita Ortega

My little brother David, who's a 6th grader, takes an early bus to school, and since I'm in high school, my bus leaves later. At the bus stop, there are two boys from across the street that go to the same school. They are brothers and even though they are two grades apart in the 6th and 8th grade, both are big for their age and often mistaken as twins. When I was messing around with my brother the other day, I accidentally punched him and waited for him to kick me back. Instead he jerked away in pain and began crying. I knew something was up. It took awhile to get the story out of him, but he described how the brothers beat him up at the bus stop. The older one grabs David in a choke hold so he can't fight back, and lets his brother punch him. My brother is not a sissy; he has thrown some hard punches at me for sure. I've never seen him this scared and angry. I've thought about following him to the bus stop and setting things straight. But as he said, "Then what will they do when you're not around, huh?" He needs some protection, what should I do?

Reply from Señorita Ortega:

Charlie, I'm glad you shared this with me–this sounds quite serious. First of all, David needs to know it is safe to tell an adult. Have you discussed telling your parents? You may suggest to David that you could tell them together. For ideas on how to tell your parents, you may want to take some tips from Milton's experience when his little sister was bullied by kids in their neighborhood.

Many schools have rules against bullying on and off the school grounds. Your parents should report this to the school principal and staff so they will create a safe climate for David throughout the school day. Until there is an improvement in the brothers' behaviors, everyone must be alert to signs of bullying. The bus driver will need to know to pay close attention, and keep the brothers and David at a safe distance from each other. For awhile, your parents may need to walk David to the bus stop. You and your parents can find a lot of useful advice on the page for Parents & Family of the Stop Bullying Now! Web site.

Question #3: Patrick (6th grader) – Letter to Mr. Bittner

Mr. Bittner, because you are a science teacher, you may be able to help me. I love science! I talk a lot about science class and my exciting experiment I am entering at the upcoming science fair. Kids at my school make fun of me all the time. Like the other day in Miss Rudder's English class, I was called a "nerd" in front of Miss Rudder and she seemed to think it was funny. She didn't do anything about it.

Reply from Mr. Bittner:

Patrick, you have all the ingredients, to be a gifted scientist. I know how it feels to be really excited about a science experiment. I feel lucky to be a science teacher.

What can adults do to make it easier for you? You could ask your parents or another adult to go with you to talk with Miss Rudder about the teasing and name-calling you are experiencing. One thing I find that works in my classes when I see bullying is to find a good lab partner to pair up with–having a friendly lab partner can be a special time for learning and fun. See what happens when Melanie and KB become lab partners.

Question #4: Jose (4th grader) – Letter to Señorita Ortega

We used to live in Los Angeles until my Dad changed jobs. We moved over the summer to a small town in Northern California. I hate going to school now! The guys at my school mess with me all the time. They call me names and make fun of the way I talk and dress. This wouldn't happen at my old school–my friends would make sure of that! Could you help me?

Reply from Señorita Ortega:

Jose, it's hard to say why these boys are picking on you. They might be bullying you because you're a new kid at the school or because they bully whenever they get a chance. Whatever the reason, they are wrong to treat you so badly. Find a trusted adult, or teacher, and tell them what's happening. You may find many others have felt the sting of their words and are willing to "lend a hand" to stop the bullying. It's also very important for the teachers and principal to know.

Are you good at sports, music, or art? Find out how you can become involved in an activity you enjoy at your new school. It takes real courage to reach out for help and make new friends.

Question #5: John (7th grader) – Letter to Señorita Ortega

I got into trouble at school today and had detention. It wasn't my fault. I'm big for my age and tend to scare the little guys. Rick, another friend I hang with, did tease them without meaning any harm. Rick calls everyone names including me! You know when Rick calls me Hulk-man. I like the sound of it. There was a time when I'd punch someone out for calling me names. Rick is different, he's cool! Being around him and his friends makes me feel—guess that I'm cool too! But, I can see that some of the little guys he has nick-names for are hurt by what he calls them. I don't like that but I don't know how to stop it.

Reply from Señorita Ortega:

John, you have probably been called names because of your large size, and it sounds like Rick is teasing boys for being shorter and thinner. They are both put-downs. If you weren't part of Rick's circle of friends, I believe that you wouldn't like being called "Hulk-man" by Rick. Think about it. Shouldn't being "cool" mean that you are friendly to everyone, not just a small tight group? If you have to put others down to keep your friends, isn't that a lame thing to do and aren't you bullying? Be careful what group you choose to fit-in with because you may find they aren't the cool kids after all. You may take some lessons from a chat Melanie had with the chicks about Cassandra's ways. For tips on how to stop bullying, read What Can Students Do To Lend a Hand?

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